


hargreeves chaos: black friday edition

by sparrowvanya



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: crackfic, no beta we die like ben, yes it's black friday and i got bored what about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowvanya/pseuds/sparrowvanya
Summary: It only happens once a year. Black Friday. The single most important day in the Hargreeves family.
Relationships: The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	hargreeves chaos: black friday edition

**Author's Note:**

> someone: what would the hargreeves do for black friday  
> me, already opening up a new google doc: well,
> 
> yes this is probably ooc but i don't care i'm just having fun with it

Luther’s never been allowed outside of the Academy for any form of Black Friday. He’d barely known it had existed, to be honest. But now it’s the first Thanksgiving since his father’s death, with Black Friday starting in just hours, and his siblings are dragging him along.

Allison spreads a list of deals onto the table. “Alright. Where are we headed this year?” Apparently, after they’d all first left, Black Friday had been a group event between Diego, Allison and Klaus. At least, it had been until the day Allison moved to LA.

Klaus raises a finger. “A nice TV to replace that beautiful painting of little Fivey-” at which Five rolled his eyes, “-and so we can make sure dear old Dad ends up rolling in his grave once again.”

Allison nods, takes a single glance at the space where Five’s old painting had once hung, and circles something on the list in a thick black marker.

They go on like this for nearly half an hour. Seven people going around in a circle can make a nice long list, one that might take all day to finish.

They won’t need all day.

It all leads to one point: in a line outside the local IKEA at 5am, bundled up to try and escape the cold November night (and failing). 

“I don’t see why we couldn’t have just done this online again,” Vanya says. “It’s always worked well for me.”

“That means you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of Black Friday shopping! We  _ had _ to take you along!” Klaus replies, bumping his smaller sister’s shoulder.

“Klaus, did you just quote Riverdale?” Diego asks, raising an eyebrow.

Klaus mirrors his expression. “And how would you know that?”

Diego doesn’t answer.

“That’s what I thought.”

Time passes. The sky slowly lightens. The six living Hargreeves shiver in the wind while Ben watches.

Then, finally, the IKEA doors open. The crowd floods inside.

“Everyone remember what they’re getting?” asks Allison.

They all nod, looking determined.

“Then go!”

The seven split off into six groups, Ben heading off with Klaus, and head toward the individual items they’d each been assigned.

Black Friday was an absolute free-for-all for the Hargreeves. While those with more destructive powers (read: Vanya) were very much discouraged from using them, anything else was fair game.

Seeing someone walking away with the last of the chairs she wanted for her room, Allison whispers in the woman’s ear, “I heard a rumor you forgot you were going to buy that and gave it to me instead,” with which the woman instantly complies.

Five blips himself in front of a crowd to grab a box off a shelf, then jumps to the register, completing his part of the IKEA list before most of the others even found theirs.

Klaus’s assigned item comes in a box that’s just slightly too long for him to carry on his own. Making Ben tangible, the two of them hold the box above their heads, watching the crowd part before them as they run through laughing. 

Luther grabs a bedframe from the shelf, hoisting the box onto his shoulder like it weighs nothing at all. Glancing around, everyone else seems to be either struggling to carry their boxes on their own or bringing a second person to help them.

With six (seven) Hargreeves helping out, the IKEA run is finished in half an hour, even with the crowds.

One store down, two more to go.

At the end of their trip, everything gets dumped on the floor of their living room.

“Does anyone here actually know how to assemble this stuff?” Luther asks, gesturing to the IKEA pile.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr: [@sparrowvanya](https://sparrowvanya.tumblr.com/)


End file.
